Bite Me: A Love Story Chapter 4

4. Good-bye Love denBEING THE JOURNAL OF ABBY NORMAL,Triumphant Destroyer of Vampyre KittiesI weep, I brood, I grieve-I ask sniffed the bitter pink Sharpie of despair and mas political machinea tears bar my cheeks handle a m prohibitedhful of chewed-up black Gummi posts has been loogied in my eyes. Life is a dark abyss of pain and I am alone, separated from my pet delicious Foo.But check it-I tout ensemble kicked ass against a battalion of vampyre kitties. Thats right, kitties, meaning many. No longer does the huge s take ford vampyre cat Chet shank the City alone he has been joined by many littler and un-shaved vampyre cats, many of which I raiseed to kitty toast with my most tent-fly sunlight jacket. Right outside our loft, they were attacking that crazy emperor barelyterfly jackass and his dogs and I saved them by running out into the street and hitting the lights.It was pure techo-carnage, blood everywhere, and a little Japanese guy with a samurai sword doing the serious Ginsu on the kitties as they attacked.I hump what you atomic number 18 work outing.Ninja, pleaseI survive, OMFGZORRO A samurai in Sucker-Free CityI didnt notwithstanding try to convince the hogs when they came.They were totally, What up?And I was all, No involvement.And they were all, Whats all this? Pointing to the blood and sticky kitty ashes and whatnot.And I was all, Dont know. Ask him. I only if heard several(prenominal) noise so I came out to check it out.So they asked the Emperor and he tried to tell them the whole story, which was a mistake- and hes kind of insane, so you have to give him a break. But they put him in the car anyway and took him and his dogs away, blush though it was totally obvious that they knew who he was and were exclusively being dicks about the whole thing. Everyone knows the Emperor. Thats wherefore they call him the Emperor.Kayso, Foo finally came category and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a mass ive spitting kiss so deep that I could taste the burned cinnamon bark toast of his soul, except thusly I slapped him, so he didnt speak out I was a slut. (Shut up, he had wood.)And he was all, Stop doing that, I dont think youre a slutAnd I was all, Yeah, well then how did you know thats why I slapped you, and where the fuck have you been, my mad, manga-haired love monkey? Sometimes its trump out to turn the t adequate to(p)s and start asking questions when your argument sucks ass. I learned that in Introduction to Mass Media class.And Foos all, Busy.And Im like, wholesome you missed my heroic warrior-babe assault. And I, like, told him the whole thing and then I say, So, now at that places a stilt of vampyre cats. Whats up with that, nerdslice? Which is a pet name I have for Foo when referring to his mad science s protrudes.And hes all, Well, we know that there has to be an exchange of blood from the vampyre to its dupe before the victim dies, otherwise it just goes to dus t.And Im like, So Chets smart enough to know that?And Foos all, No, exactly if a cats bitten, whats the natural thing for it to do?And Im all, Hey, Im asking the questions here. I am the boss of you, you know?And Foo totally ignores me, and hes all, They bite back. I think Chet is ever-changing the other cats by accident.But he drained that parking cop and she didnt turn.She didnt bite him back.And Im all, I knew that.And Foos like, There could be hundreds of them.And Im all, And Chet led them here. To us.And Foos all, He label this as his territory before the old vampyre turned him. He sees this as his place. The stairway still smells like cat pee.And Im like, Thats not all.And Foos all, What? What?And I totally slip into my dark mistress voice and Im all, Chet has changed. Hes bigger.And Foos all, perchance his coat has just grown back. And Im all ominous like, No, Foo, hes still shaved, further hes a lot bigger, and I think- I paused. It was very dramatic.And Foos like, Tell meI sort of fainted all emo into his arms. And he totally caught me like the dark hero of the moors that he is, but then he harshed the romantic drama of it all by titillation me and going, Tell me, tell me, tell me.So I did, because I was nearly to peeing myself, and Im totally not into that kind of thing. I think we have to worry about the little samurai guy turning, which would not be good, as he is full badass, despite his deeply stupid hat and socks.And Foo was all, Did he bite them?And I was all, He was full-on c overed in vampyre kitty blood. Maybe some drops got in his mouth. Lord Flood give tongue to he unintentionally turned that blue ho from one kiss on the blooming(a) lips.And Foos like, Well we need to find him, then. Abby, we may not be able to handle this. We need help. And hes all nodding to the statue of the Countess and Lord Flood.And Im all, Do you know the first thing that leave behind happen if we let them out?And Foos all, Jody will totally kick our asses .And Im like, Oui, mon amour, epic ass-kickings pour toi and moi. But you know whats even scarier?And Foos all, What? What? What? Because French drives him mad.So Im like, You still have wood And I squeezed his whole and ran into the bedroom.Kayso, Foo chased me around the loft a couple of times, and I let him catch me twice, just long enough to kiss me before I was forced to slap him-well, you know why-and run away. But as I was prepared to let him think I would surrender to his manly deliciousness, Im all, You could turn me to a vamp and I could use my dark powers to scoop Chets group box of destruction.And Foo was all, No fucking way. I dont know enough.Then person started pounding on the door. And not a little Hey, whats up? pound. ilk there was a big sale on door pounds dump at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff.I know. WTF? Privacy much? Pounding on the love lair.JODY It was like perpetual not quite lunchtime in her cubicle at the insurance company, back in ancient history, three months ago, before she was a vampire. Every sunset, for about fifteen seconds, Jody awoke and panicked over the hunger and restraint until she was able to will herself into mist and float in what she thought of as the blood dream, a pleasant, ethereal haze that lasted until sunup, when her body went solid at bottom the brass shell and for all practical purposes, she became dead meat until sundown came round again. But sometime around the end of the first week of freakouts, she realized that she was touching Tommy. That he was in the bronze shell with her, and different her, he couldnt go to mist. She should have taught him, she knew, just as the old vampyre had taught her, but now it was too late. Maybe, since she couldnt move enough to tap a essence with her finger in Morse code, let alone talk, she could reach out to him, somehow connect with him telepathically. Who knew what kind of powers she might have that the old vampyre had disregarded to tell her about. She concentrated, pushed, even tried to send some sort of pulse rate to the places where their skin touched, but all she got back was an extended, jagged, electric panic.Poor Tommy. He was there all right. Alive and mercilessly aware. She tried to reach him until she could bear the weight of her own hunger and panic no longer. Abby, if I ever get out of here, your narrow ass is mine, she thought before attenuation to mist and blissful escape.INSPECTOR RIVERA It wasnt a homicide, strictly speaking, because there was no body, but there was a traffic enforcement officer missing in action, and it had involved the Emperor and a certain block of light persistence buildings and artist lofts south of Market Street that Rivera had flagged for notice if anything happened there. And something had definitely happened here, but what?He lifted the collar of the empty traffic officers uniform with the boundary of his pen to confirm that the fine gray ash was not on the sidewalk underneath, and it wasnt. Inside the uniform, on the sidewalk at the cuffs and collar of the uniform, yes, but not on the sidewalk under the uniform.I dont see a crime, said Nick Cavuto, Riveras partner, who, if hed been a flavor of ice cream, would have been sprightly Linebacker Crunch. Sure, something happened here, but it could have just been kids. The Emperor is clearly nuts. entirely unreliable.Rivera stood up and looked around at the blood-soaked street, the ashes, the still-flashing light on the parking cart, and then at the Emperor and his dogs, who had their noses pressed to the back window of their brown, unmarked crossroad sedan. Riveras flavor was Low-fat Spanish Cynic in an Armani cone. He said cats did this.Well there you go, an Animal Control issue. Ill call them. Cavuto made a salient show of flipping open his mobile and punching at the numbers with his thick blimp fingers.Rivera shook his head and crouched over the empty uniform again. He knew what the pulveri zation was, and Cavuto knew what the powder was. Sure, it had taken them a couple of months, and a lot of unresolved murders, and watching the old vampire take enough gun combust to kill a platoon of men, only to survive to kill a half-dozen more people, but they had finally caught on.It wasnt cats, Rivera said.They promised to leave, Cavuto said, pausing in his display of percussive dialing. The creepy girl said they left town. They, meaning Jody and Tommy, who had promised to leave town and never return. The Emperor said he saw the old vampire get on a ship-a whole bunch of them sail away.But hes totally unreliable, Rivera said.Most of the time. This is not-Rivera held up a finger to stop him. They had agreed never to use the v-word when others were around. We have to go see the spooky kid.Noooo, Cavuto wailed, then caught himself, realizing that for a man of his size, appearance, and occupation, that whining over having to confront a skinny teenage girl was, well-he was being a huge wuss-thats what.Man up, Nick, well tell her not only does she have a right to remain silent, its an obligation. Besides, I called in backup.I should probably baulk in the car with the Emperor. See if he remembers anything else.Just then there was a commotion at the crime scene tape and a uniformed officer said, Inspector, this charwoman wants through. She says she has to see her daughter, who lives in that apartment. The officer pointed to the fire door of the loft where the spooky kid lived with her boyfriend.An attractive blond woman in her late thirties wearing paisley medical scrubs was essay to push past the officer.Let her through, Rivera said. Look, Nick, an angel come to protect you.Oh theology save me from fucking neo-hippies, said Gay Linebacker Crunch.